Ziva, are you doing okay?
by DoveFeathersAndSnowFlurries
Summary: "This was her chance, her chance to release her demons, set them free from her soul. Ziva closed her eyes tight as she swallowed hard. She opened her tear filled eyes to face Tony..." Tiva friendship with hints to something more. Read and Review Please!
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**__**: I unfortunately do not own NCIS or the amazing characters, or sadly anything else but this laptop I am typing on. *tear***_

It had been three weeks. Exactly twenty one days since the rescue. Life still seemed surreal. Sometimes, she would pinch her arm just to make sure that this wasn't a hallucination, a cruel trick her own mind was playing on her. For a moment everything would seem okay and she would feel safe. But just as quickly as that moment was given to her, it was stolen from her by the past_._

She couldn't focus on the little bit of paper work in front of her. Never mind working, she could barely breathe. She would be able to type sentence or two, and then was ripped from reality, taken to a distant place and time…back to the hot summer months in Somalia… back to her small, grey, damp, lonely cell… back to the torture…back to the pain…back to the humiliation…back to hell.

She was angry at herself. She shouldn't be this weak. Her father had not raised her this way, had not raised any of his children this way. Her stomach turned at the thought of him…her father. How could he have done this to her… his only living child? The only person she was angrier at than herself, was her father. Her father had given Rivkin the orders to gain her trust, to her love, to take pieces of her she could never replace. Her father had made her question if she could trust her team, her real family. Her father had given her the mission, the orders, and the death sentence.

She hated him. She hated him for what he had done to her. She hated him for making her hate herself. She stopped herself at that thought… she hated herself.

The self realization brought her back to reality. She looked at the computer only to realize she hadn't typed a single word in nearly five minutes. She quickly scanned the room to make sure no one had caught her lost in her own thoughts. Gibbs was off somewhere, McGee was filling out some kind of form, seeming very preoccupied with his brow furrowed, and Tony… Tony was staring directly at her. _Shit._

"Can I help you Tony?" She said trying to sound annoyed. Trying to hide her inner most secrets. She hoped to get some sort of witty comeback thrown at her. Hell, at this point she would have settled for some perverted comment that only someone as immature as DiNozzo could come up with. She received exactly what she dreaded the most: a look of worry painted across his face.

Tony got up and walked across the bullpen, never taking his off hers for a second. Her heart began to race. She felt for a few seconds as if he could read her mind, as if Tony could see right into her damaged, degraded soul. She quickly put on her best mask, one that she had perfected long ago. One that portrayed calmness and indifference. One that hid the pain, suffering, and the haunted past that she holds.

Tony came around her desk and sat on the corner.

"Are you okay Ziva?" he asked sounding so worried, so compassionate, so understanding. Like that she could spill out her soul right then and there to him, and it would all be okay. He sounded so…not Tony.

She couldn't let his new demeanor pull down the walls that took so much training and years to build. She couldn't let him see the pain behind the mask.

"I am fine Tony." She sated causally putting on her best smile.

"Ok then."

He smiled back at her and walked back to his desk. He skeptically looked at her one last time before turned back to his computer and began typing.

She took a deep breath and began to type. She wished he didn't believe her. She wanted desperately to yell across the bullpen and tell him she was not okay, that she was far from okay. She wanted to just run so bad from her abused mind, from her torturous thoughts, from her horrid memories. She wanted to scream and cry and just have a breakdown, right there in front of everyone. She wanted Tony to hold her as she cried. She wanted so bad to tell Tony what Saleem and his evil men had did to her, how they tortured her, how they had degraded her… how they had ruined her.

She stopped herself again, catching herself getting lost in her thoughts. She scanned the room once again to find McGee had now left. Tony once again, was scanning her soul for an answer to an unasked question.

"Ziva, are you sure you're doing ok?" Tony questioned with even more concern this time.

She bit her lower lip. This was her chance, her chance to release her demons, set them free from her soul. She couldn't. No. She wouldn't. She refused to be weak. No, there way no way she could let these secrets escape. But, how she wanted to so bad. The secrets and past she held within her, were killing her slowly from the inside out. Eating her soul so that she was just a hallow, empty shell. But she couldn't… but…

Ziva closed her eyes tight as she swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath, she opened her tear filled eyes to face Tony worried ones.

"No, Tony, I am not okay."

_**Hey Everyone! I was considering making this a multichap story. Review and let me know where you guys would like to see it go.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Okay well here is chapter 2! I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this or what I'm doing, but hey, it's worth a shot right? Thanks so much to all those who reviewed. It makes my day! Anyways, enjoy!**_

She could not take being "fine" any longer. Being "fine" was all but what it was. It was rotting her soul from the inside out. This was it. Ziva knew she had to say something to someone. _Now was as good as time as ever. Here we go._ She took a deep breath.

"No, Tony, I am not okay." She stated simply, but painfully. If Tony didn't know better, he could have sworn there were unshed tears in scared tired eyes.

He nodded in response, unsure what else to do. He honestly wasn't expecting her to admit something was wrong. It wasn't that he didn't want to know what was wrong, but it was Ziva. The crazy ninja assassin, who possessed an unreadable poker face, was now showing some sort of defeate. Tony knew this was huge step for her, and his response now helped decide if she braved another step forward, or retreated ten steps back. _No. _He wasn't going to let that happen. He couldn't stand to see that lost pained look in her eyes anymore. Tony took a second to choose his words carefully.

"Okay. Alright. After work today, wanna go out and get a drink, maybe get something to eat? We can talk then." He gave her a sorry excuse for a half smile. He hoped he sounded surer of himself then he thought he did.

Ziva's eyes shifted from his down to her desk, as though she was trying to make some life changing decision. Tony could almost see the internal-battle taking place inside her head. She bit her lower lip as she pushed a stray hair behind her ear. He knew he was losing her.

Tony quickly crossed the bullpen back to where he was previously seated on the corner of her desk. He gingerly lifted her chin so her eyes would meet his. She flinched. His heart sank a little.

"Come on Ziva." He added gently placing a supporting hand on her shoulder.

She looked into his green orbs with her brown ones. She saw the concern, the worry. Closing her eyes tight, she nodded her head.

"But," she opened her eyes quickly and looked at him, "I do not want to go out Tony…"

He was losing her again.

"That's fine. We can go back to my place. We'll order pizza and I've got beer… we'll watch a movie… talk…" Tony held his breath in anticipation of the answer.

Ziva thought for a minute about what this meant. She was volunteering to poor out her soul to Tony, the man who's relationship she shared was complicated enough… Did this really need to be added to it? She looked into green pools once more. They were pleading with her to take this invitation and share her demons. There was something else in his eyes too. Ziva wasn't sure if it was strength or acceptance, but either way she had faith that he could handle what she had to say… the horror stories she would share… her only worry was what he would think of her. Ziva couldn't been as weak, she just couldn't… but she couldn't hold this in any longer.

"Fine Tony" She finally answered, "after work."

Tony smiled at her with sad eyes. He took his hand off her shoulder and walked back to his desk. _Well, this was it._ In roughly eight hours he was going to be given a glimpse into the hell Ziva was forced to face. Tony just prayed he could handle it.

_**Hey all! Thanks for reading! Review please and let me know if you want me to continue! Oh, and if continued, the rating of the story will probably go up to T just because of subject matter.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey All! Sorry the update took so long, just got back from a three week vacation. As always, thanks to all who have read this little fic and have taken the time to review. It really does mean a lot. Anyways, enjoy!**

Ziva knocked lightly on the wooden apartment door in front of her. _What was she doing here? What had she been thinking when she agreed to this? This was a mistake._

As she turned around to try and make her escape, the door opened. Tony reached out and easily grabbed the back of her forearm to keep her from leaving.

"I don't think so." Tony tried to keep his voice friendly, teasing almost, but the attempt was failed as his works still contained a threatening undertone. It wasn't his intention to make her feel trapped, but Tony wasn't letting her go anywhere until he found the truth, no matter how much her words might burn him.

Ziva spun around to face him. He released her forearm.

"Hello Tony." She didn't make eye contact when she spoke to him, but instead looked passed him into TV room with the large plasma screen. The large black leather couch that once sat in front of the entertainment center was replace with a smaller navy blue suede. Tony's never ending collection of movies that previously lived on shelves sporadically placed around the room now resided in two large maple bookcases placed on either side of the entertainment center. _Guess a lot changes in three months._

"Wanna come in." Tony didn't allow it to be a question. He thought it was better not to give her the option of leaving.

She nodded and stepped inside with Tony closing the door right behind her.

"Pop a squat." He patted the arm of the couch.

Ziva looked confused; Tony let out a small laugh.

"Sit down." He entered the adjoining kitchen. "Pizza is going to be a little while, got plenty of beer though in the mean time."

Tony came back into the room and handed a seated Ziva an opened brown beer bottle. She stared at it once again apparently making a life's decision. She closed her eyes and quickly downed half the bottle. Tony grimaced.

"Well… uh…" He began unsure of how to start this conversation, "do you wanna talk now or watch a movie for a while…. then talk… or…"

"Watching a movie sounds good." She cut him off in a completely monotoned voice, as she stared into the brown bottle in her hands.

"Alright. Cool. Anything in particular you would like to watch?"

"No." was all she stated as she traced the condensation of the bottle with her right index finger.

He walked to one of the bookcases and pulled out a DVD case from the third row.

"Mr. Bond's _Casino Royal_ sound good to you my ninja?" He said in a James Bond accent to try to break the tension.

"That is fine." Apparently that Miller Light Bottle was really interesting.

Tony sighed as he popped movie into it the DVD player. _This was going to a long night._

They sat in silence as an hour of gambling, hot women, good-looking guys, and explosions filled the screen. Tony watched Ziva as she stared at the plasma screen. She wasn't watching the movie. That was obvious. She was transfixed on something that only she could see, behind the plasma screen, out of the DC apartment, and what Tony correctly assumed was the torture and heat of Somalia. Before he could say anything, a loud knock on the door made them both jump. _Oh yeah, the pizza._

He put the movie on pause and went to answer the door. When he returned to the couch, Tony found her still staring into a world only she could see. The rest of her beer had magically disappeared.

"Here we go. Hey can I get you another beer?" He said as he placed the pizza and paper plates down on the coffee table.

"Yes, please." Ziva said just a little to eagerly for Tony.

He handed her his unopened beer. Drinking didn't have any appeal to him tonight; in order to help her, he needed to be sober. Ziva graciously accepted the drink with a nod, and for the first time since she arrived at his apartment, the two partners made a few seconds of eye contact.

"Wanna slice?" He said as he put a piece of cheese pizza on a plate handing it to her.

"Yes thank you." Ziva took a small bight of the end of the slice.

Tony then pressed play on the remote and the two resumed watching the movie and eating in silence.

Two hours passed before the credits began rolling. He turned off the TV and decided to take his chances.

"You feel like talking now?" He didn't look at her put at his hands folded in his lap.

"Now or ever I guess." She signed and wiped her face with her palm of her hand.

He smiled and turned to look at her side profile.

"Now or never Ziva"

"Guess I forgot. " She turned her head just enough to look at him from her peripheral vision. Even with just the little glimpse of her face, Tony could tell her eyes were sad.

"Or maybe ya just never learned it." Tony gave her a friendly punch to her shoulder, not expecting the little jump she gave in return. _Oops._

Ziva nodded with a not-really-smile as a small soft pink blush spread across her cheeks. He had noticed her unusual reaction. _Shit._

A minute of awkward silence passed before either of them moved, turning to each other in sync as if it was choreographed. Tony looked into her deep chocolate brown eyes. Ziva looked into his pale green ones. He could see her soul, and she could see his.

"Where would you like me to start?" She finally broke the silence, not releasing his eyes from hers.

"Well… I uh… Gibbs talked to me… so pretty much know what happened up to the point that you were captured. What happened next Ziva?" Tony moved closer to her on the couch. She chewed her lower lip for a second debating on whether or not to run the final mile.

"I think it was a Friday… but I'm not entirely sure… the day I infiltrated Saleem's camp," she began unsure of herself, "I was so close….so close! But, out of nowhere two of his men came. One grabbed my weapon, the other hit me in the face with the barrel of his gun… and …" Ziva stopped and put her head in her hands.

"Go ahead. You're doing great Zee." Tony put a hand on her shoulder and began to rub small circles with his thumb. Ziva didn't flinch this time.

She took a deep breath.

"Then I woke up strapped to a chair… Saleem told me to tell him everything I knew about NCIS." Ziva raised her eyebrows. "I didn't answer." She paused. "He then told me I was going to talk one way or another…"

"The truth serum?"

"No." she put her head down and looked her lap. "No… uh…. Saleem... he said would not waste his concoction on me… I apparently was not worth it… He told me... his men and him had other ways of making a woman talk…"

With those words, Tony's heart stopped. He felt a sudden wave of hatred, pity, disturbance, and nausea. _No. Please God no. Not Ziva._ He turned her chin so she would face him and saw the slightest trickle of tears stream down her face. The tears and the look in her eyes seemed to confirm his worst fears. Ziva's lip quivered and it seemed to be the final straw. She put her head in her hands and let out an un-human like sob that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Ziva's head fell into Tony's chest and the tears began staining his shirt.

"Shhhhh… it's okay… you're gonna okay…" It was all he could come up with. He guessed it was sufficient enough as when he said it she took a deep breathe. So Tony sat there, gently stroking Ziva's long brown curls.

Ziva finally calmed down after twenty minutes of Tony's animator therapy and went limp in Tony's arms. She was still awake, but the admittance of weakness seemed to drain every bit of energy from her body. He saw this and scooped the rag-doll-like Ziva up in his arms and carried her into his bedroom. He laid Ziva down on his bed; he wasn't sure when, but sometime between taking her shoes and socks off and slipping the sheets and blankets over her, Ziva had fallen into a deep sleep.

Tony gently ran his fingers through her long curly brown hair before taking an extra pillow and blanket for the couch. As he left the room, he stole one last glance at his sleeping partner. Whatever he found out, whatever happened next, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, except that he was going to be there for her, make sure she was okay, take care of her. If one thing was for sure, and oh how it was, Tony had Ziva's back. He had always had her back, and he swore as he looked at her sleeping helpless form, that he always would.

**So, okay, it's a little cliché, but hey, I like it. Okay so I'm considering writing another fic. It'd be really intense and a lot of chapters and would involve Tony and Ziva and danger and love and gun fights and all that good stuff… anyone interested? Please let me know**


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